I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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