I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
