Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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