I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I want to fling myself into the sun
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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