Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
