There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
