How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize