I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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