Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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