apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
