I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
