I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
