Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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