i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
