shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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