I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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