Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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