You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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