i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
