So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
