Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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