it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize