She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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