I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
