You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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