i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize