we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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