I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
