OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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