we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
