i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
