If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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