my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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