Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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