Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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