Im at strip club and am horny
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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