Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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