I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
