even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
