one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
