Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
