Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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