He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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