I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
