she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
