I think I won the penis lottery.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
