That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
