You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
