he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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