dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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