Porn is love you can see.
I puked a lego.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
