and you said cock pushups were impossible
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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