There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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