we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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