I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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