i jhust puked up my retainher.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
