I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
