what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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