You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
