He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
