I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
