think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize