Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
