I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
