I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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