U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
