Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize