Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
